Cullens on Camp!
by luvin'stuff
Summary: What happens when everyone's favourite vampires have to go camping? And this time, it's for real
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Sixty years after they last went there, the Cullen's are back at Forks, where they've introduced... School Camp! What happens when the six vamps go camping? This time, it's real!**

**Disclaimer: No, unfortunately I do not own Twilight. I also do not own Emmett (sigh), and nor does my friend own Jasper. You know who you are, and this one's for you. I came up with it while thinking about music camp, and while my sister was packing for hers. Luv you Evie!**

Chapter 1 – Back at Forks!

BPOV

"Bella, come on love, we have to go to school," Edward smiled at me. I looked up at him, and frowned. He chuckled. "And you were so eager for eternal damnation that you forgot about going to High School forever." I threw a pillow at him, and he picked me up at vampire speed and ran me downstairs, back in the old house. The cottage had had a tree fall on it, but Esme had promised to rebuild it for me.

"I don't want to go," I whined. All my family, with the exception of Renesmee and Jacob laughed at me. Lucky Jake, he stayed twenty-five forever, meaning he worked as a mechanic, and Nessie got to stay home, because the day without Jake would be too hard. Oh, the joys of having a werewolf imprint upon you. I wished that Edward was a werewolf. Crap, I hoped my shield was still up. It was. I sighed in relief and my family looked at me. I just smiled at Edward.

"Bella let me help pick your outfit!" Alice squealed.

"I am not letting you choose what I wear to school," I refused adamantly. "I am not turning up on my first day in Gucci."

"You're not," Alice trilled. "I have seen," all of us, except Jasper, threw something at her, "that you will be wearing Prada!" Edward nodded his head. I wondered what she was internally threatening this time.

"Painting my car pink is not a good idea Alice," he growled, "Nor is marrying Nessie and the dog on the weekend." I flinched at the venom__in his voice **(sorry for the pun, I know I can't tell a decent joke)**. Even I growled at the thought of Nessie marrying Jake. I didn't care if she was sixty, she was still my daughter.

"Yeah, I know, but that's what happens if Bella doesn't wear what I pick!" She stuck her tongue out at him. Grudgingly, I grabbed her arm and pulled her up to my wardrobe, where she picked a pair of Prada skinny jeans, a midnight blue Prada top and D&G shoes. She pulled my hair into a loose bun and left my face alone for the first time in who knows how long. She smiled at me.

"Do you see how easy that was?" Her face glazed over. "Ooh, that should be fun. Bella, shield me! Edward cannot find out about this!" I didn't ask what it was, but knew that if I didn't do it, I'd be in big trouble. We sped downstairs.

"Why can't I hear Alice?" he asked.

"She made me put it on her, sorry," I didn't need to stretch to kiss him; the shoes were so darn high, and we moved our lips together in perfect harmony. I don't know how long it went for, but Emmett suddenly grabbed me and threw me in a car. Straight away I recognised it as my new Ferrari, even with Rose and Edward's help, all our cars died eventually. Edward had had a little too much fun picking them out again, but Alice had made us have funerals. Seriously, I think that was the weirdest thing anyone would ever find out about the Cullen's. They had car funerals.

"Bell-la, I want to go in your car," Emmett said, whining like a five year old. I glared at him. He stared back. Edward pulled me out the door.

"Hey Emmett, your jeep is the only one that's big enough, now we either get in it, or I force you into my trunk." Emmett jumped into the jeep, while the rest of us got in calmly. I guess Emmett hadn't forgotten Montesano.

"Goodbye children," Esme said, taking on the mother role again. "Emmett, don't you dare pull pranks on anyone, and nobody is allowed play sport. Make sure you look after each other, I don't want to come home to a screaming match," she reprimanded. We smiled sheepishly, Portland had been fun.

"Bye Mum, bye Dad, bye Aunties Rose and Alice, Bye Uncles Jasper and Emmett," Nessie sang sweetly. She might have been sixty, but she was still our baby girl.

"Bye Nessie, Carlisle, Esme, Jacob/Dog," we all called. Jacob just laughed from upstairs as Emmett drove off. I looked up at Edward.

"Will you tell me if any girls have disgusting thoughts about my wonderful husband?" I asked.

"Of course, if I get to punch and guys that have thoughts about my beautiful bride," he promised. I nodded, and Emmett gagged.

"Enough with the sweet-talking love birds, not in my car you don't. Now Eddie boy, if any guy even starts to think about Rose that way," he threatened.

"I will tell you after I go dry heave in the bathroom," Edward said, joking, but he still got slapped by Rose. He just nodded to Jasper, then Rose. "Alice, I will tell you," he said, still unable to read her mind. He seemed frustrated, so I kissed him again. Our siblings groaned, but turned away. We weren't finished when Emmett pushed us out the door at the school. We landed agilely, Edward having picked me up so he could land in a crouch on the ground. I finished the kiss, aware of the student body watching, and tried to squirm out of his arms. Now that I was no longer a newborn, he was stronger than me, and he didn't let go. Instead, he flung me on his back and gave me a piggy back to the office.

We all walked in together, and here was the good old Forks High School office room. The lady looked just as taken with our boys, and we girls glared at her. She seemed slightly taken aback, completely uneasy. We all smiled then, and she saw our perfect beauty. I saw her go over everyone's features, hovering longer than necessary on Emmett. Rose snarled, seeing the same as everyone else. Emmett pulled her into a hug, kissing her cheek. Normal siblings didn't do that, so I thought that she would take the hint. She didn't, so Alice and I also kissed Jasper and Edward, as Rose went for the make-out. She understood.

"Hello, my name is Ms Wilson, may I help you?" Jasper sent waves of revulsion at her.

"Yes, my name is Edward Masen, my family and I just moved here. We're supposed to be starting today," he said in his twentieth century tone. He wasn't allowed dazzle her, he was only allowed do that to me. I frowned at him, and he tapped the tip of my nose. Oh no, you didn't!

"I see. Would that be the Masen's, the Whitlock's and the McCarty's?" She batted her eyelids at Emmett and Edward. I almost went to snap her neck, but that would be my first killing, so I didn't do it. Edward beamed at me proudly. I guessed I had pushed my shield away. I pulled it back in.

"Yes," Alice replied. "I'm Alice Masen; this is my boyfriend and adoptive brother Jasper Whitlock, his twin sister Rosalie and her boyfriend Emmett, his sister Bella and her boyfriend and my cousin Edward." Our story changed every five or six years, and I was surprised she managed to remember it. I still thought that I was meant to be Alice's sister.

"I see," she seemed to get our warning with the boyfriend mentioning. "I'll get your schedules." She sorted through the messy pile on the desk until she found our papers.

We had decided to come about three weeks into the school year, so that we wouldn't have to meet all the students in assembly first thing in the morning. She handed us our schedules, and we compared them so quickly she wouldn't notice. I was in the same year as Alice and Edward; we were freshmen, with our siblings acting as sophomores. I had first and third period with both my siblings, English and Trig, second with Alice, for gym, fourth and sixth with Edward, for History and Biology and an accelerated French class with Jasper for seventh. I don't know about the rest of them, but I was getting bored to death of Spanish.

"Oh, by the way, all freshmen and sophomores have a meeting in first hour today," the lady said. We all turned to Alice.

"Surprise," she said quietly as we walked out of the office. I bet this was what I was keeping from Edward. I decided to let my shield down again. He read her mind and laughed. I asked what it was. He shook his head at me, laughing too hard to answer properly. I punched his stomach quickly and he stopped laughing to rub it.

"Jeez Bella, that wasn't a nice way to welcome me back to Forks," he teased. "Hey, this is like your homecoming, I mean you were born and reborn here," he mused.

"Back at Forks, how positively wonderful," I said sarcastically. We all laughed together, enjoying the joke. We walked through the staring crowd over towards the gym. We were here to hear our happy announcement that had our psychic and mind reader going hysterical.

"Hello students," said a man that I assumed was the principal. "We have called you here today to welcome the Masen family," he gestured for us to stand up. I did, but shied into Edward, feeling embarrassed. He patted my head, my punch forgiven. He couldn't stay mad at me, no matter how hard he tried. The principal gestured for us to sit down. "But we also have another announcement."

He paused, and I guessed it was for dramatic effect, but I got frustrated. Stupid human speed; why was it so beneath ours? Edward and Alice were shaking in silent laughter on either side of me. I pinched Edward and bitch-slapped Alice to get them to stop. I loved inflicting pain.

"This year, you're going camping!" he exclaimed, obviously joyous.

No. Way.

I turned to my family, the boy's high-fiving, and Alice laughing. I looked at Rosalie, and saw my expression reflected onto her face. She understood. We would have to camp, in a tent, separate from our husbands, and without proper electricity or water. This was going to be absolute hell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, I would like to dedicate this to my wonderful reviewers, and those who put this as a favourite or on story alert. I really appreciate it, so please review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, the amazingly lucky Stephenie Meyer does. If only I could remember my dreams...**

Chapter 2 – Seriously, Edward

"We are not going on camp," Rosalie fumed. "Emmett McCarty Cullen! If you make me go anywhere near that stupid place, I swear..." her threat trailed off. I cringed into Edward.

"Do we have too?" I asked. He looked down at me, curious.

"You're siding with Rosalie?" he asked in disbelief. I turned away.

"Students, please," the principal started. "Now as you leave the gym, take a permission form and the information sheets. You are dismissed, go to class," we stood up and were out the door before anyone else. Rose and I hadn't gotten forms, but I knew that Edward and Emmett would have picked ours up. I stomped off to English and took a seat at the back of the class, next to the wall. Edward sat next to me and pulled me into a hug against his shoulder. Alice shuffled a table and chair over, so she wouldn't have to sit next to some creepy kid. The rest of the class came in and gawked at us, me now sitting on Edward's lap. How had I gotten there? I was angry with him.

"Sorry love, but you're so cute when you're angry," Edward murmured into my ear. He bit my earlobe gently and I giggled.

"Gross guys," Alice said, disgusted. "Emmett's Jeep is empty, go there between classes," she huffed at us. We laughed, causing everyone to look at us. I slid off Edward's lap as the teacher came in. She introduced herself as Mrs Cheney, and I wondered if she was Ben and Angela's granddaughter. Probably, she seemed nice like them. However, when she announced that our book was Wuthering Heights I decided to ignore her. Sure I liked the book, but I didn't have to listen to her. I could recite the whole thing.

"Edward," I whined. He looked at me. "I don't want to go camping," I complained. I had looked at the note quickly. We were going to Goat Rocks, we'd keep the bears away, and we were staying for ten days. There was no electricity, the only water was the river, and all the girls were in one tent and the boys in another. The ten days would be hard for none of us, except if someone hurt themselves, and there was bound to be one clumsy person in one hundred and eighty.

"Bella, don't you think it'll be fun?" he asked.

"Seriously, Edward; you think this will be fun?" He nodded. "Okay, so a bunch of humans and Rose, Alice and I in a massive tent, and we can't sleep. We have to eat something in ten days, they'll get suspicious. I don't get to see Nessie for ten days. There will be no sex, which you know will totally kill Emmett in one day, think about the rest of us in ten. There is no closet big enough for Alice, and no car to generate electricity. Honestly, how do you think we'll survive?"

"We are resourceful vampires love, I'm sure we'll find a way around the, uh, problems." He and I both knew he was losing, and I smiled. There was no way on earth I was going _camping_.

I was still very much like the human Bella, but when you live with two shopping-addicted girly-girls for sixty years, it kind of rubs off on you. I couldn't stand mud, dirt on my clothes or getting my hair messed up. I was basically afraid of dirt, something that the boys, Jacob and Seth all laughed about constantly.

"Edward, Alice would agree that camping is a bad idea. Check the future," I ordered. We both turned to Alice, who concentrated for a second. She grimaced.

"Sorry, can't see," she replied in a high, musical voice. "I think Nessie or a wolf intend on coming to school," she added, seeing Edward's face. She didn't have to say it, of course, but I hated when they shared silent conversations. I couldn't stand the intimacy of it; it was my thing to do.

"Uh, I hate half-breeds," Edward exclaimed, way too loudly for our conversation. Everyone turned to stare at him. Alice and I laughed.

"Mr Masen, could you please tell me what is going on here?" the teacher asked. She seemed a little annoyed, in a did-you-interrupt-_me _way. Oh, she would get it.

"I'm sorry Miss, we were talking about _dogs,_" he said. He dazzled her at the same time; I heard her heart rate go up about ten times. "It does seem to fit with that story of course," he added politely. I was so glad he was mine; he seemed so perfect just then.

"Yes, of course," she left us alone. The class ended, and two girls walked up to us. They had peroxide blonde hair, short skirts and clingy tops. For god's sake, this was Forks!

"Hey," they said seductively to Edward. He rolled my eyes. "I'm Ally, what's your name?"

"Hi, I'm Edward, this is my girlfriend Bella and my cousin Alice," he said. They stepped back on girlfriend. They paused, so Edward relayed their thoughts at vampire speed.

"He's hot, and I'm prettier than her," he said mimicking her annoying tone. "I thought they were siblings?" he said in another voice. We stood up and walked away, leaving them shocked.

I went to gym, extremely irritated. Alice was a little behind me. We went to the change rooms, where she provided me with a Gucci tracksuit and sneakers, and we went out to the room. It still stank, like always. We were picked for teams, and Alice and I were the last ones left, so we were separated. Edward and Jasper would not be happy. We went over to play soccer, and I saw that my team mainly consisted of guys. Great!

"Hey gorgeous," an African-American boy said. I glare. "What's with the face?" he asked, laughing.

"I have a boyfriend," I replied. He looked surprised, but continued.

"Who gives about your boyfriend babe? Not me, and I bet you wouldn't tell," he winked suggestively. Yuck, that was disgusting. How typical of a human boy, thinking I'd be willing to get with them. I wanted to kick his balls, but Alice spoke to me from across the room.

"Hey Bella," she said, and I knew only I would hear. "Leave his balls to Edward," she said once she had my attention. I laughed, which gave the guy the wrong impression.

"You see babe, you'll have fun." I just walked over to the only other girl on my team, who glared at me.

"Hi, I'm Bella McCarty," I said, smiling. She looked at me like Lauren used to.

"Why did you try and steal my guy?" I bet she was related to Lauren, her voice had that same annoying tone.

"I really wasn't," I started, but she walked off, muttering about bitches and payback. I didn't bother listening. I just started kicking a ball around, but then I got annoyed when I thought about the kids at this school, and I kicked the soccer ball so hard it went through the roof. Carlisle was going to kill me. This stuff only ever happened to Emmett. I turned to the shocked faces of my classmates. "I guess it was old," I said feebly. The coach, as well as the rest of the class came over.

"_You_ did this?" asked the teacher. I nodded, and he stared at me in awe. The guys in my class did the same, and the girls looked at me like I was some kind of freak. Well girls, I am a vampire...

"What the hell?" the bitch from my team asked. I rolled my eyes.

"There's this thing, and it's called force," I said. She shot me a glare, while most other people laughed. I smiled.

"Miss McCarty, if you would please get your father, damaging buildings is against the rules," the coach said. I was about to go, but Alice told me quickly to cover my face and dry sob. I agreed with her, this could be fun. It definitely had the potential.

"I can't believe you did that!" Alice exclaimed. "Her Dad died a year ago," she ranted. "Damn inconsiderate people, some of us are sensitive," she said. I guessed she thought this would make people leave us alone. I doubted it would work.

"I'm sorry Miss McCarty; do you need to leave the class?" Aw, the teacher was so sweet; little did he know he had just let out two very frustrated vampires. I wondered what kind of havoc Alice planned on wreaking with 'permission'. We nodded, and then left, heading over to other buildings.

"What, Alice?" I asked, shortly after we were out of sight.

"We're going to Carlisle," she said. I questioned her sanity. What did we need our 'father' for? "I'll ask for permission not to go on camp," she explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's silly to go, and I really don't want to," she said. "Think of my clothes!" she exclaimed. Good old Alice, she was on the right side. Suddenly, the loudspeakers blared to life.

"Good morning students," said the principal, who I had found out was Mr Buchan. "I would just like to tell you that the freshman/sophomore camping trip is now compulsory. It has become known that several students do not wish to go, and this is now a mandatory part of your schooling. We will be camping at a field in Mount Rainier, it will be fine," he stressed the last part, he wasn't even certain. Wait, a field, in Mount Rainier? This was getting way old.

"Did he just?" I asked Alice. She nodded solemnly. Oh, Emmett would be getting a kick out of this.

**Hey, I know this was crap, but I had to get Alice on the good side, and make Bella and the Cullen's (Masen's) hated by the rest of the school. The soccer ball through the roof, well I was inspired by some stuff that happens in good old PE. Please, please, please review, especially if you favourite or story alert. I really would like some constructive criticism, or even just a 'that was great'.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Everyone who reviewed, thank you! If anyone has any amazing, funny or really weird school camp/camping in general stories/ideas please put them in a review or pm and tell me, I have a few ideas but I think some other people would have better ones. Ghost stories are cool too!**

**Disclaimer: Do you really have to make me do this? I don't own Twilight. *Sob***

Chapter 3 – Pixies on Packing

BPOV

Alice and I ran home straight away. So I missed Trig, it served Edward right for dumping me in this hell-hole trip. Everyone always thought we were the perfect couple, but we secretly got revenge on each other all the time. Nessie and Jake weren't at home, but I could hear Esme. We ran up to her office.

"Why aren't you at school?" Esme asked as soon as we opened the front door. We didn't bother with pleasant greetings anymore, it got old pretty quickly.

"They're-making-us-go-on-camp-and-stay-in-a-tent-for-ten-days," Alice said so quickly that I almost had trouble hearing. Esme seemed to understand, and she laughed.

"Oh Edward already called me girls, I think it will be a good experience," she said. I turned to face her, and sure enough, she was serious. What?

"Esme, I really don't want to go," Alice and I whined.

"Suck it up, you're both old enough," she replied. I walked out the door and looked at Alice, who appeared to be in shock.

"Alice?"

"No more MTV," she said to Esme. I chuckled lightly.

"Whatever bitches," she said. I looked at my sister. Did our mother just? That was plain weird. I swear Emmett must rub off on people. Alice just nodded, seeing my question in the future.

"Hey, I have an idea," she said. I lifted my eyebrow quizzically. "Shopping for camping clothes!" she exclaimed. I moved back in horror. Some of their ways may have rubbed off on me, but I still hated shopping.

"No, we have school," I said. I decided to play my I-am-still-helplessly-in-love card. "I haven't seen Edward in two hours," I whined. She dragged me back to school at vampire speed. We were there, in time for our next classes, within two minutes. I walked over to Edward, sitting dejectedly in the corner, right next to the wall. He didn't seem to notice my appearance until I sat down.

"Bella, would you care to explain why you and Alice were both missing, and Alice is reciting Japanese songs in her head?"

"No." I let it sit, 5-4-3-2-

"Please Bella?" There went my trusty husband in our argument stage. I refused him twice and he whined like a little girl. Or like Jacob, I guess.

"Fine," I said harshly. "Esme dearest refused Alice and my pleas for help, because a certain Edward called her, and this same Edward made it mandatory." He chuckled.

"It wasn't me, it was Emmett," he said, at human level. I wondered why, until I heard Rosalie's hiss. Ah, our family was listening, wonderful. I scowled at him, he was annoying me. He rolled his eyes and I turned away, until the same girl from gym class came up to him and started talking. I decided to let him sweat it out.

"Hey, I'm Melina Marks," she said. I wondered if Lauren's kid had married Austin's. It was likely. This town would all be inbred in another fifty years.

"Edward Masen," he replied. He could hear her thoughts at the moment, so I shielded her. He huffed at me and I smiled.

"So, I was wondering, you might need someone to sit with at lunch, and so I want to invite you to join me," she said. Edward looked bored.

"Melina, my family and I would prefer our own company; I don't think they'd like it very much if I sat with you."

"Who gives a damn about family?" she asked, surprised.

"I do," I said. She was annoying me to death. "And Eddie here would hate to annoy his family," I said. "If you sit with her I will never let you near me again and I will let Nessie get married," I added at vampire speed. I heard Emmett chuckle, he must have been in a room nearby.

"Yeah, but Edward wouldn't mind sitting with his future girlfriend," Melina insisted, glaring at me. Edward looked nervous, and I chuckled.

"Oh darling, you might want to talk to his current girlfriend first," I said. "Oh, you already are," I said and then started making out with him. The teacher chose that moment to walk in.

"Public displays of affection are banned in this class," she said. "Now, you appear to be new, so you are forgiven. Next time, save it for somewhere private." We both cam up, and she looked surprised. "Ah, actually, take it to a psychiatrist," she said, seeming disgusted. "I don't know for sure, but I thought that it was illegal to, umm, be involved with your brother."

"That's why I'm not kissing Emmett," I said. Edward laughed. The teacher looked a little grossed out, so I just let it rest. I guessed she was alright, she reminded me of someone, but I couldn't tell who. She was around sixty-five, tall, had hair that was brown and greying and she seemed nice. There was a very distinct quality about her.

"By the way, I'm Miss Weber," she said. Angela's little sister! Well, one of them anyway. Wow, I didn't think I'd know anyone here. I loved the Weber twins, they were pretty cute.

"Hi," we replied. I relayed my thoughts to Edward by pushing my shield away, and he smiled. He had taken rather a liking to the Weber's something about kind thoughts. Of course, Angela was the nicest person I had ever met.

The lesson was pretty boring, mostly about the changes in America since the Obama presidency. I'd been alive then, we'd all voted for Barrack in 08. Ah, a good year. We walked quickly to the cafeteria, arriving at pretty much the same time as our siblings. Alice and Rose were scowling, and despite my lesson, which had been enjoyable, I did too. All we needed was Leah and we could be the PMS club.

We made our way to a table in a corner; hopefully people would leave us alone. I picked up a bagel and water, Edward grabbed a salad and soda. It amazed me how much money we wasted on pretending to eat. I felt the cold air as we arrived at the table. Rose and Alice had given 'cold shoulder' two meanings.

"Ladies," Alice said. "If we are forced to go on this _trip_ we need suitable wardrobes," she said. "I would like to go shopping soon; we only have a week to get everything." The guys struck up conversation, something to do with teachers. They hated shopping conversations.

"Alice, it's in a week, we have plenty of time," I said.

"We're going to Seattle, it'll have to be planned, Carlisle won't let me do that on a school night, god knows why," she said. I heard footsteps arrive at the table and all our conversations stopped. We turned to face the newcomers. There were three; a blond jock, his fake-blond and boobs bimbo friend and a brunette, equally skanky. We were clearly being graced with the presence of Forks royalty, lovely. I wondered if the names had varied from Newton, Mallory and Stanley. I sincerely hope so.

"Hey, like why do you have your own group?" asked the peroxide blonde. "Everyone knows that you get placed in a clique by us," she said. We laughed.

"Like why are you laughing?" asked the brunette. "Kaila is like in charge," she said, a total hero worship thing going on. I hated that.

"Well Kaila," Rosalie said her evil tone apparent. "I would rather drink human blood than sit with you," she said. I guessed it made sense. Dying, eating dirt and sticking pins in our eyes wouldn't do much. Kaila rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she said, and then turned to our other halves, sitting opposite us. I glowered. "Sierra and I were wondering if you would like to join our table," she asked, looking at Edward. Nobody hits on my man!

"Oh Edward," I called seductively. "I think I left my text books for Biology on the floor in the car. Would you mind joining me?"

"Of course, love," he said. How sweet of him. I stood up, and his arm snaked around my waist. Take that Kaila.

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The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, exactly like the rest of the week. I learnt the popular boys name was Kyle, and that most of Forks High hated me. I was with Edward, and I was hot were the apparent reasons behind it. I laughed loudly at that one. On Friday I walked back into the house after hunting with Edward and was attacked, surrounded on four sides, by my sisters, daughter and mother. What?

"Shopping," Nessie explained, bouncing happily. How she was my progeny I had no idea, she actually seemed to enjoy trips to the mall. They forced me into Alice's new Porsche, also canary yellow. We literally sped off (Alice was going 200, 210 mph) and arrived in Seattle an hour later. That was pretty ridiculous really, seeing as it was a four hour plane ride from Seattle to Port Angeles. She pulled up at some mall and dragged me inside. Rose and Esme went one way, leaving Alice and Nessie with me. I guess Alice needed 'extra security' on me now that I could run away.

"Let's go!" Alice squealed. She looked at me like I wasn't fast enough as I dawdled behind her. "We have to get ten full days worth of clothes, which means two outfits per day, in case of warm weather and ten sets of pyjamas. This'll be fun!" She squealed again. Speaking of warm weather, what would we do?

"Hey Alice, will it be sunny while we're there?" I checked with the omniscient so that I could be sure.

"I see no sunny days," she said. "We'll be in the middle of the forest, duh."

"The Rainier field, duh."

"Jeez, I thought we were going shopping," Nessie complained, effective in getting Alice to drag me off to some designer store. Oh goody.

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"Edward, can you help me with this stuff?" I called as soon as we were in the garage. He was there five seconds later. Good old vampire speed, you were never left waiting.

"Umm, do you really need this many clothes?" he asked, looking into Alice's car. Alice looked at him like he was crazy.

"Honestly, what is it with you two and being happy wearing old clothes? It's really weird."

We rolled our eyes at her together and set off to picking up my bags, all sixty of them. I was going to kill Alice. I took them all into Edward's room, and was about to make use of the bed when Alice came in, with a heck of a lot of suitcases. What?

"Edward, just leave. I'm packing you tomorrow," she said. I guess she mind-threatened him, he ran out the door pretty quickly. She turned to face me, her eyes glittering. "Okay Bella, we have a different suitcase for each day," she said, matter-of-factly. What?

"Why do we need one for each day?" I asked. This was getting really weird.

"Well," she began. I was in for a long rant. "I kind of have decided that you have two pairs of shoes, two bottoms, two tops, two jackets, good clothes with another pair of shoes, a pair of pyjamas and a new set of lingerie every day, which you need anyways, but whatever."

"Umm, Alice, why do I need three outfits for one day?"

"Because I am the all-knowing one who says that you day," she replied in a frustrated tone. "Between you and Edward, I should get my own TV show for this."

"Pixies on Packing, I'm sure it'd be a hit," I said sarcastically. She threw a suitcase at me.

"Here just pack what I give you okay?" I obliged, knowing something really bad would happen if I didn't comply.

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On Monday morning, we were all ready to go. We had gone on a family hunting trip, we wouldn't get thirsty. I had all ten of my suitcases in the car along with Edward's five, we had to take three separate cars to school this morning, and Esme, Nessie, Jake and Carlisle had to come along in the Mercedes to take the cars home. I was one hundred per cent ready for this trip.

"I'll miss you all," Esme said, beginning to pout. "Be nice, and call me whenever you can." We hadn't bothered to tell anyone that the Rainier field had fantastic cell phone range. All of us had the latest version of the iPhone, so that when Emmett broke one, we could still call home.

"Bye Mom," we all said, and then hugged her at the same time. We hugged Carlisle, said a polite goodbye to Jake, and then talked to Nessie in couples. Her Aunties and Uncles went first. Rose handed her a phone and Emmett bear hugged her, before they both kissed her cheek and said bye. Alice and Jasper handed her what looked like a credit card and some books, and they departed in the same way as Rose and Emmett. That left me standing in front of my daughter.

"I'll miss you," I dry-sobbed. I hadn't done it often, and it still felt weird. Nessie had actual tears on her face.

"I love you," she said. I hugged her, and Edward wrapped his arms around both of us, in a family embrace.

"Hey Nessie, there's a present waiting for you when we get back, okay?" we asked.

"Thanks," she said.

"Call us," I replied, and then we made our way over to the bus. There seemed to be a hold-up.

"We cannot take forty-five suitcases just for your family," the principal shouted.

"Jeez, hey Emmett, will you go in your Jeep with the bags?"

"Sure Ali, come on Rose!" Emmett headed off to the Jeep, and put all our bags in there. It looked kind of stupid. But, now we had a car that we could head off in, and use for electricity. I loved Alice! The rest of us hopped on the bus, in seats that faced each other. Oh, how fun would this excursion be?

**Hey, wow that was long. I'm sorry that it took so long, but I really had to get them to be going on camp for chapter four, and I have been really busy with school work. My teachers don't seem to care about the fact that I do have other things to do than three science projects! Sorry about the wait! I'll update the next one as soon as I can, but I'm making each day one chapter, so it might be pretty long. Any ideas, anything that you think I could put in the story, please review! Oh, and if you know any good stories, please tell me. I love reading them as much as I love writing them!**


	4. Day One

**OMG! I haven't updated in like forever, I am so so so sorry! This just did not want to write, so that's why it's short (except for the lyric things, or it's be like 1500 words). Sorry! Thanks for the reviews! I love you all so much! Thank you to the people who have reviewed from the very first update, your dedication amazes me. Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: Same as always, you know, I am not Stephenie Meyer**

Chapter 4 – Day One

BPOV

The bus ride was boring. I could have gotten there in ten minutes, but we had to take the bus up to the same place that Edward and I had gotten out of the car, and hike the rest of the way. The whining, annoying human girls were so predictable. 'I can't wear these shoes hiking!' was heard many a time. I really shouldn't have been wearing Jimmy Choo's either, but I didn't care. They wouldn't get too dirty with me in them.

About a half hour later, we were at the campsite. Emmett's off-roader was there, and he seemed to have a tent set up. I walked over, dragging Edward along, as did the PE coach.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the coach yelled. "The girls have one tent, the boys have another. You are not allowed a shared tent," he said. Alice tapped him on the shoulder, lightly for us, but he still swayed a bit.

"Sorry, we didn't set the tent up for that," she said. "This tent is our wardrobe," she explained. All the other students' jaws dropped. It was a five room tent, after all. The guys looked kind of disgusted and the girls were jealous.

"Let me check that," the coach said. He walked inside, as did my family. I looked around, awed. Alice had really outdone herself. There was a room that said 'Bella', one that said 'Rose', one that said 'Alice', one that said 'Boys' and one that said 'Bathroom'. I checked there first. Inside was a massive vanity with three separate counters. They had signs that had each couples names above them.

I flounced into my wardrobe and saw that all my suitcases had been emptied onto clothes racks divided by style. Alice really took fashion far too seriously. I saw several other freshmen sneaking into the rooms. I coughed loudly, startling them. The coach went and reprimanded them. I saw some of Kaila's minions in trouble. This was going to be too easy.

"Alice," Edward, Jasper and I said at the same time. Edward sounded frustrated, Jasper sounded amused and I was annoyed.

"Well where were we going to put it all?" she asked, genuine concern glazing over her face. Hmm, she really didn't know, did she?

"Uh, in the tent where we sleep?"

"We don't sleep," she reminded me. I was about to respond when we heard a shriek from outside, and we all went to the sound. It was Sierra, the second-in-charge. Kaila was standing and pointing about ten feet away, and Kyle looked like he was about to pee his pants, how manly of him.

"Get it off me!" Sierra screamed. It was killing my ears, she screamed so loud. I looked at the cause of the commotion. There was a giant spider on her head **(hey, this has actually happened to me, and I am such a wimp, I'm so scared of spiders)**. It was a huntsman, but it was huge, enough for my previous (human) arachnophobia to take hold for a moment, before I remembered I was a vampire.

All the girls were screaming really loudly and some of the boys were too. This would have been so good to post on YouTube, they were all such wimps. The female teachers had run away as well. O, brave citizens of Forks! My family looked to be the only ones cool, calm and collected. Even Jasper's waves of calm weren't working.

"It's only a spider," Rosalie said. She walked up behind Sierra, and it rushed onto the poor girls face. She screamed again, and Rosalie smiled evilly. I loved my bitch of a sister! She had obviously known the spider would run away from a vampire, that's why she'd gone from behind. Rose flicked it off the girls face, a little harder than necessary. The poor thing died.

"Wow Rose, you really are evil," Jasper said when she walked back over. She smiled, as did Alice and I. Cullen girls were supreme when it came to revenge, punishment or being evil. Our husbands hadn't seemed to have realized that yet.

"You don't say." She winked at Emmett, who grinned like an idiot. The coach came back over to us again.

"I guess you know how to put a tent up?" he asked. We nodded. Social interaction was not something we enjoyed, especially with mundane, boring school teachers. "Well, you boys can set up the male tent, and the girls can set up the female tent." I blocked Rosalie and Alice's thoughts quickly, and saw them nod a plan. We were getting payback for being forced into this, finally.

"_Sir_," we whined like children. He looked at us, curious. "Oh, we can't put tents up," I said. Rosalie and Alice acted horrified.

"I thought you said you knew how, and your brothers mentioned camping trips," he seemed genuinely confused. Poor thing, we were screwing with his mind.

"What do you think brothers and friends are for?" Rosalie asked. She was about to go easy on Emmett, I could tell. Sisters are bitches. "But, if I remember rightly, Kaila and Sierra were telling us about going camping down on the res before. I'm sure they know how to put tents up, I mean they don't seem to have brothers who will do it for them willingly." I smiled evilly. Getting back at a bitch was always better than getting back at a guy. There was always abstinence for Eddie.

------------------

We were lying down on lounge chairs when I felt water soak through my clothes. I looked left, and saw some of the guys giggling. God, it looked like we were in an impromptu wet t-shirt contest. Alice looked surprised, Rosalie furious and I was mortified.

"Who did it, Edward?" I asked. He, Jasper and Emmett were still putting the tent up, they had to do it at human speed. I heard Jasper chuckling, which was suspicious.

"I didn't see, love," he said, but I could hear the lie in his voice. No way, he was _so_ dead. He lied to me! Alice jumped up suddenly.

"EMMETT MCCARTY MASEN CULLEN YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!" she yelled. Emmett guffawed.

"There is such a thing as _payback_ little sis," he teased. I stood up.

"You are the worst excuse for a brother any vamp- girl has ever had!" I yelled, and then stalked off to the clothes tent. Suddenly, I was glad Alice had packed two sets of clothes for each day, it wasn't even one o'clock yet, and I was in need of some new ones. I heard Rose outside, too annoyed to keep their discussion at vampire quiet, more like human loud.

"You son of a bitch, you ruined a Prada top, and look at these shoes. They're totally ruined! Not to mention my _hair_. That's it, I'm sending you to Caius when we get home, I'm sure he'd appreciate your pranks." She fumed.

"Rosie babe, you wouldn't do that to me. What if I became interested in Heidi?" Ooh, wrong thing to say, stupid. I could hear Rose's hiss from in here.

"You would rather be with that _slut_ than me? That's it. I am _so_ not talking to you."

"Rosie..." My sister came in, muttering about stupidity and idiot husbands. I knew exactly what she meant.

"I think we need Alice," I said. Rose nodded, seeing my train of thought.

"I'm here," Alice said.

"Well..." I explained our plan, and we went and got changed.

------------

Five hours later, and we were pretending to eat our meals. It smelled disgusting; I didn't even look at what it was. We had spent much of the afternoon in our tent, plotting with Alice. We would scream profanities whenever our husbands came anywhere near, and I didn't bother with a shield; we had agreed that 'Womanizer' by Britney Spears and Rose's favourite memories were bad enough to keep Eddie away.

"Okay students, we are going to do camp activities every night, and today's is a campfire sing-a-long!" Mr Killeen, the Government teacher said.

"Uh, sir, can we use a karaoke machine instead?" Alice asked. "I brought one."

"Sure?" he said, sounding more like a question. We grinned happily, this would be good. Alice ran out to get everything set up, this would be much better than our first plan of attack.

"Well girls, what do you think of a little... suggestion?" Rose asked. We grinned, and began whispering so we were out of earshot.

"Are you ready?" The teacher asked ten minutes later.

"Yeah, tell the boys to start, we'll just be a minute," Alice said. We went into our tent and got some sexier clothes out. I was forced into a black micro-mini skirt and a blue flowing shirt that was see through enough that you faintly saw my lacy blue bra underneath. I wore killer blue heels as well. Alice was wearing white hotpants with a pink singlet top. She paired that with cute-as-pie pink high heels. Rosalie was wearing a denim mini-skirt with a green top. She was wearing knee high boots and fishnet stockings. This would be funny. We walked out to a sharp intake of breath.

Kaila and Sierra were in the middle of 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls (old much) and their mouths dropped in shock. As did all the other girls. The guys looked slightly (as in really), well perverted. Our men looked well... excited. I rolled my eyes at the same time as my sisters. We knew perfectly well that they thought we dressed like this 'cause they thought they'd get some (especially Emmett, it had been eleven hours) but they were wrong. We just liked to tease.

After Kaila and Sierra were done, we went up as a group. Alice would be singing, while Rosie and I would be acting it out. This would be way more fun than any payback the Cullen girls had ever done before.

_This was never the way I planned  
Not my intention  
I got so brave, drink in hand  
Lost my discretion  
It's not what, I'm used to  
Just wanna try you on  
I'm curious for you  
Caught my attention_

I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry chapstick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
It felt so wrong  
It felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name  
It doesn't matter,  
You're my experimental game  
Just human nature,  
It's not what,  
Good girls do  
Not how they should behave  
My head gets so confused  
Hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry chap stick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
It felt so wrong  
It felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it,

Us girls we are so magical  
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable  
Hard to resist so touchable  
Too good to deny it  
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry chap stick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
It felt so wrong  
It felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it

As Alice sang about kissing girls, that's what Rose and I actually did. Well, it wasn't real, but nobody else knew that. We had had it perfected for years; Rose had promised Emmett on his birthday one year that she would fulfil his bisexual fantasy of her, and Alice had known what she was going to ask and so it had been me. She finished and I looked out at a rather diminished male population, who I could see adjusting in the woods and a shocked female population, as well as a drooling Edward and Emmett. Jasper looked sort of grossed out, but proud of Alice. She bounced over to him, the traitor. I grabbed Rose's arm and we huffed off and sat down. This next bit would be funny. Emmett got up to sing. He selected some random song, to which I thought was funny, but this next bit would be better. His expression would be priceless.

The music started playing and the lyrics dove straight in. We all recognised the tune but the name would come slightly into the song.

Lock eyes from across the room  
down my drink while the rhythms boom  
take your hand and skip the names  
no need here for the silly games  
make our way through the smoke and crowd  
the club is the sky and I'm on your cloud  
move in close as the lasers fly  
our bodies touch and the angels cry  
leave this place go back to yours  
our lips first touch outside your doors  
a whole night what we've got in store  
whisper in my ear that you want some more  
and I

JIZZ IN MY PANTS  
This really never happens you can take my word  
I won't apologize, that's just absurd  
Mainly your fault from the way that you dance  
and now I  
JIZZ IN MY PANTS  
don't tell your friends or I'll say your a slut  
plus its your fault, you were rubbing my butt  
I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus

Now I'll go home and change

I need a few things from the grocery  
do things alone now mostly  
left me heart broken not lookin' for love  
surprised in my eyes when I looked above  
the check out counter and I saw a face  
My heart stood still so did time and space  
Never felt that I could feel real again  
But the look in her eyes said I need a friend  
She turned to me that's when she said it  
Looked me dead in the face, asked "Cash or Credit?"  
And I

JIZZED IN MY PANTS  
It's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me  
But we're going to need a clean up on aisle 3  
And now I'm posed in an awkward stance because I  
JIZZED IN MY PANTS  
To be fair you were flirting a lot  
plus the way you bag cans got me bothered and hot  
please stop acting like you're not impressed  
One more thing, I'm gonna pay by check

Last week - I saw a film  
As I recall it was a horror film  
Walked outside into the rain  
Checked my phone and saw you rang and I  
JIZZED IN MY PANTS

Speeding down the street when the red lights flash  
need to get away need to make a dash  
A song comes on that reminds me of you and I  
JIZZ IN MY PANTS

The next day my alarm goes off and I  
JIZZ IN MY PANTS

Open my window and a breeze rolls in and I  
JIZZ IN MY PANTS

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of sixth sense I  
JIZZED IN MY PANTS

I just ate a grape and I  
JIZZED...IN...MY PANTS  
JIZZED...IN...MY PANTS

Ok seriously you guys can we...ok...

I JIZZ RIGHT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME YOU'RE NEXT TO ME  
AND WHEN WE'RE HOLDING HANDS ITS LIKE HAVING SEX TO ME  
YOU SAY IM PREMATURE I JUST CALL IT ECSTASY  
I WEAR A RUBBER AT ALL TIMES ITS A NECESSITY

Cuz I  
JIZZ...IN...MY PANTS  
(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants)  
yes I JIZZ...IN...MY PANTS  
(I jizz in my pants (AKIVA!), I jizz in my pants)

He ended to a shocked crowd of males and a hysterical gaggle of girls. Ah, his face was priceless, just as I thought.

"Jizz in my pants?" he asked me and Rose, both still cracking up. Alice was a genius, we nodded. Edward went next, thinking the joke was over. Oh, no Eddie, we were going to annoy him with his 'theme song'. Jasper and Emmett had crowed over it when I showed it to them back in '06. They didn't stop singing it all through the summer.

'_Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. Hey!  
Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. Hey!_

_Four years, you think for sure  
That's all you've got to endure  
All the total dicks, all the stuck-up chicks  
So superficial, so immature_

_Then when you graduate  
You take a look around and you say 'hey wait!'  
This is the same as where I just came from  
I thought it was over, oh that's just great_

_The whole damn world is just as obsessed  
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex  
Who's got the money  
Who gets the honeys  
Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess_

_And you still don't have the right look  
And you don't have the right friends  
Nothing changes but the faces the names and the trends  
High School Never Ends_

_Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. Hey!  
Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. Hey!_

_Check out the popular kids  
You'll never guess what Jessica did  
How did Mary-Kate lose all that weight  
And Katie had a baby so I guess Tom's straight_

_And the only thing that matters  
Is climbing up that social ladder  
Still care about you hair and the car you drive  
Doesn't matter if you're sixteen or thirty five_

_Reese Witherspoon, she's the prom queen  
Bill Gates, captain of the chess team  
Jack Black the clown, Brad Pitt the Quarterback  
Seen it all before, I want my money back_

_The whole damn world is just as obsessed  
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex  
Who's in the club, who's on the drugs  
Who's throwing up before they digest_

_And you still don't have the right look  
And you don't have the right friends  
And you still listen to the same shit you did back then  
High School Never Ends_

_Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. High School Never Ends!_

_The whole damn world is just as obsessed  
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex  
Who's got the money, who gets the honeys  
Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess_

_And I still don't have the right look  
And I still have the same three friends  
And I'm pretty much the same as I was back then  
High School Never Ends_

_Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. High School never ends!  
Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. High School never ends!_

_Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. High School never ends!  
Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh. High School never ends!_

_Here we go again  
Oh oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh._

And as he came off the stage, I ran. He was going to kill me. I escaped into the girls' tent and I heard him venting outside. Revenge was sweet.

OOOOOOO LINE OOOOOOO

"Rosie!" Emmett whined. I smirked, this was his fault. With my sisters in the beds next to mine, we all grinned. We were sitting up, painting our fingers and toes, and Emmett was whining from far across the field. This was my favourite memory so far of being here.

**Hey, I am really sorry this took forever for like nothing to come of it. There isn't really much development in this story, so I would really appreciate some ideas please. BTW, the songs were "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry (check her other songs from that album out, they're way better but don't even listen to Ur So Gay), "Jizz In My Pants" by The Lonely Island (they're pretty funny, if incredibly rude, watch the videos) and "High School Never Ends" by Bowling For Soup (check out 1985 by them as well, it's one of my fave's). Thank you for reading, please review with ideas and feedback.**

**BTW: If you got a message saying I posted one sorry... that was an unedited piece of crap. And I forgot all the lyrics in there. Luv Ya's!**


	5. Day Two

**Darlin'! (Motor Mouth, anyone?) So Bella's really OOC, it is my story, and I love people being evil and a two-faced bitch (ha, my evil phrase of Thursday the 21st) kind of like someone I might possibly know... hmm, wonder who that could be?**

**Disclaimer: Do you honestly think I look forty???? AAAAAH, death upon you!**

Chapter 5: Day Two

BPOV

"Well if that wasn't a long night..." Edward said as we walked into the clothes tent. I rolled my eyes and kissed him softly on the lips. Emmett was rocking in a corner muttering about nine days. We all grimaced sympathetically, we'd all feel the same effects, but to a lesser extent.

"So, I'm forgiven?" I asked Edward as he followed me into my room. I was mentioning the events of last night of course.

"I can't stay mad at you, love," he replied. I grinned... this was all part of my evil plan. Well, the girls' evil plan anyway.

"Love you too," I said. He startled me by coming up to me as I was browsing my wardrobe for a suitable outfit and starting to fully make-out. Tongue and lots of venom sharing. It was so much fun, I wanted to continue, and I could feel his arousal...

"Bella, don't you _dare_." Alice said scarily

Damn.

"Me too, love." After sixty-four years, he finally understood my emotions. Took him long enough. I got changed into some random D&G jeans and blouse and put on some Manolo Blahniks. I went and did my hair, having perfected the art of perfect styling years ago. I didn't even go near the make-up. Edward smiled at me again, and my knees would have melted if I was human, he was so perfect. At the moment I suspected he knew that something was going on though. Then I noticed he didn't have a shirt on and scowled. He did that on purpose. Tease. Two could play that game.

"Did you need help with that honey?" I asked, walking over and running a finger down the lines of his perfect abs. He shuddered lightly.

"I would love it if you got me a shirt baby girl." WTF! He called me BABY GIRL ooh, he was dead.

"Baby girl, huh? How do you like this one ... _Eddie_?"

"Bel_la _you know I hate that name."

"Oh, excuse me for using the hated name, baby boy." I shuddered at the thought of even calling him that, it was just wrong. I saw him grimace; guess he didn't like it after all.

"I am so sorry, love. Now will you pick a shirt for me?" I sighed dramatically and got him one. I asked a question as he slipped it on.

"Now, what have you learned from this morning?"

"My beautiful wife is always right."

"Exactly," he followed me out of the tent, and I could hear the submission in his exhalation.

OOOOOOO LINE OOOOOOO

After whatever it was that breakfast was we headed off to do 'Camp Activity'. Oh, joy!

"Listen students," the PE coach said. Ooh, now I'm scared! Sarcasm intended. "You are going to be broken into groups of ten of my choice. You will then enter a competition with the other teams on ways you could survive in the woods. Now, wait for your name to be called and move to the group." He blabbered on through names, and we weren't really listening, until he called Edward and the rest of us expected to be in his group. We were wrong. Kaila was though and that Ally slut from the first day, who still had a habit of asking him out every day he went into class. Jasper was with the other slut twin and Emmett was with Sierra. Alice was with Kyle, Rosalie was with three of the jocks and I was with the annoying people from my gym class whose names were Johnny and Melanie. You'd think that in eighteen groups we could get paired with one person I liked, but no.

"Okay, first up we're going to have a river-crossing competition. You will need to get five people from your team over completely dry, and it would be advisable for you to try and stay as dry as possible for health purposes." Stupid human. When I had gotten my medical degree we had proven that water did not make you sick, it weakened the immune system. Edward and I had had quite some fun with the humans while we researched that one. "On your marks, get set, go!"

Everyone ran off, all happy-happy joy-joy. The thrill of the game! I rolled my eyes and walked over to the river. I could seriously jump that if I chose to, and I wouldn't have to take a step first. All of us vamps could. Edward and Jasper gave me sympathetic faces, I guess they felt my frustration. My favourite form of release wasn't allowed either, due to some certain vampire males making certain nameless excursions mandatory. I let Edward hear those thoughts and I saw him stiffen, he knew what he had made himself miss out on now. Poor dear.

"Yo Bella, you keeping dry?" Johnny asked me. I nodded and Melanie scowled. I saw Alice thanking the Lord for my saving of the Manolo's. They were her favourite pair of mine, she would sit and worship them at home.

"What, do you think you're too good for a little water?"

"My clothes are, unlike some from let me see..." Alice nodded, seeing what I was about to say next, and it was right. Good. "How about... Target?" I heard the gasp from some of the preppy girls that I had been stuck with, but they were wearing knock-off Ralph Lauren or Abercrombie, unlike my family. I actually heard Emmett laughingly say 'Le Gasp!' which caused me to chuckle. Melanie huffed and turned away. Daft cow.

My team was done building a 'bridge' the better part of an hour later. I hopped lithely across the rocks and branches, trying not to break anything with my strength and weight. For those reasons I went last. Rosalie's group had finished first though, with the jocks choosing to carry everyone over instead. I had seen Emmett tense as one of the guys grabbed Rose's butt, to which she responded by flirting. I needed to get that stage of the evil plan done soon. I could see Alice was working on it with Kyle. She should have known much better than that. I mean come on; he was descended from Mike Newton!

She appeared to have 'accidentally' tripped over in the hurry to fix the bridge, and he had pulled her up from the water, very wet. I saw her not-so-subtle hot pink bra under her now rather see-through white shirt and smiled. What better way to get back at guys than to make them jealous?

The teachers announced the winners and gave a lecture on how we needed to improve our 'teamwork skills' because when we were as a unit we 'fought like a pack of wolves.' I was so saving that one for Jacob to use when he talked to the pack. Could you imagine... back on track.

When we arrived back at the campsite after some 'fun' activities (namely fishing, like I hadn't had enough of that in summers with Charlie) it was shortly before dinner (I was glad we'd missed lunch). I was walking randomly towards some tent-y thing when a guy came out. In only a towel. I was about to keep going when I heard my name.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I turned around and it was towel guy.

"Hi, my name's Sam, I was wondering, do you want to go for a walk with me later?" I looked at him. You could see that he was unfit; he had no muscles and more flab than was legal to go walking around topless. But the situation was more awkward for me than him; he obviously had no self-esteem issues.

"Uh, maybe later?" He nodded. He seemed to look up for a moment and then his eyes turned black.

"Fuck yes!"

"Excuse me?" I knew children were no longer, well, innocent but I didn't know they were quite so forward. That was borderline offensive.

"Fuck ya."

"What?"

"You know the Greek food?" Greek food, my arse. I shook my head and walked away. **(Does anyone know how you spell that? My sister's friend was telling us about it. Plural sounds like fuck yes and singular sounds like fuck ya)**

OOOOOOO LINE OOOOOOO

About an hour after the towel incident a jock came up to me. He was hot, in the OMG sense of the word. He wasn't beautiful like Edward but he was gorgeous. He was really tan; I guess he had moved here from California or somewhere else warm not long ago. He was wearing a tight shirt that showed his perfect six-pack of abs.

"Hey, you're Bella right."

"Yeah, that's me."

"Cool. I'm Taine Rodgers, want to come with me?" I heard the double meaning and nearly gagged. Sick, perverted, twisted little hot child. He was the perfect candidate for the getting-even-with-the-husband plan.

"Not right now, I'd like to get to know you first."

"Walk with me."

"No problem."

"So Bella," he said as we cleared the clearing, reaching the trees, "I was wondering, have you got a boyfriend?"

"I definitely do not have a boyfriend," I said with conviction, it was a hundred per cent true. He just didn't know that it was more than that.

"What about the Edward guy? People say you two are like... together."

"Ever heard of Friends with Benefits? Let's just be more appropriate and call it adoptive siblings."

"So, you're available?"

"I wouldn't mind seeing what you're like first," I said, then began kissing him on the lips. I just imagined it was Edward, getting into the plan. His hair was sort of floppy and unruly; I just pretended it wasn't Taine's. I was the first to pull back. _That should leave a resounding mental_. It was plenty enough to get a jealous Eddie for sure. I skipped back off to the campsite, pulling my shield back from him. All of a sudden I heard an incredibly deep, sexy rumbling. Stage cue, enter Edward.

"Bella Marie Swan _Masen Cullen_," he began, emphasising his last names, "what on earth did you just do?"

"Nothing, _love_, just having some harmless fun. I'm sure you'll find certain other campers engaging in the same... interesting habits." I smirked slightly at the end, taking his signature move. Next stage in Operation DTHCAP (Drive the husband crazy as punishment) was pick-up lines. I'm sure they'd be good fun at dinner, I might just have to eat to emphasise some of the points.

OOOOOOO LINE OOOOOOO

"Hey guys," Rose, Alice and I all said as we sat down at a now full table of jocks. They were perfect for our plan: fit, strong, dumb, popular and in most cases, hot.

"Hi girls," they said. We engaged in light conversation, each of us picking at our bread rolls and salad. We were pulling the 'I don't eat in front of guys' look really well. Thankfully, this started the chatting up. I was glad to see the cheesiness hadn't improved since '09.

"Hey, mind if I take your roll?" One of them asked Rose, she shook her head seductively. He took it, bit and swallowed. "Hey, are your parents bakers cause you've got nice buns," he said. Ah well, at least we wouldn't be alone in our cheese.

I laughed at whatever the guy next to me was drivelling on about when everyone else was done. I went to whisper in his ear, and caught Edward's glare at the dude and crooked smile for me. I don't think so hun.

"Are your parents terrorists, cause you're the bomb." He winked at me and grabbed my thigh, looking down at my leg.

"Do you use Windex on your pants cause I see myself in them." I laughed lightly, but exaggerated the movement. I leant my head on his shoulder and listened to Alice's conversation. Rose was already done with the guy, without doing any work.

Alice for some reason was talking about baseball. WTF, why would she do that? Then I heard what the guy said next.

"Darlin', if we were really playing baseball, you'd hit a home run."

"Oh, Sam you're so funny!" She laughed loudly and I heard Jasper hissing wildly. Annoyed that we went on this stupid camping trip yet boys?

"So Bella, aren't you with that Edward guy? Isn't he like, your boyfriend or something?" I laughed, this was almost exactly what Taine had asked me earlier. Our objective for the day was to get at least two guys each, and we appeared to be on around three at the moment. Maybe turning on the Cullen girl charm was a bit much for the purposes of this little revenge plan. We intended the whole thing to be over before day six; it was all a bit much. Alice saved me from answering the guys question.

"Jesus Derrick, do you honestly think we have boyfriends? Nope. We are not, in any single way, attached to a boyfriend." All three of us smiled, and I was glad to have learned the guys name. It made it easier. I picked up my fork to attempt eating salad, and saw my ring glitter dimly. I pretended to have dropped something, and slid my wedding and engagement rings off. As I came up I saw Edward's hurt expression. When I motioned for Alice and Rose to do the same Jasper and Emmett looked like they would kill me. What does that say about making us do things we don't want to?

"Nah, you three are too good to cheat on anyone anyways," he replied. I felt my smile fade. That was basically what we were doing, wasn't it? Cheating on our all too loving soul mates. Damn. I hated when I guilt tripped myself!

"Uh well actually," Rose began, shifting uncomfortably along with Alice and me, "we aren't exactly cheating, but we aren't exactly available either." I saw Plan A going down the drain at the same time as I saw her slipping her engagement ring on. Alice and I did as well. "I better get back to my fiancé and tell him to pay up for me winning the bet." We stood up, flashing our beautiful diamond rings and walked over to our men, placing ourselves in their laps. I snuggled up to Edward's chest. He was torn between forgiveness and annoyance at me and absolute humour in the guys faces. In the end humour and forgiveness won.

OOOOOOO LINE OOOOOOO

"Hey Nessie," I said into the phone as she picked up.

"Mum!" she exclaimed happily. Edward coughed lightly beside me. "Dad, you too!" she exclaimed again. Nessie always was partial to Edward; they had a better relationship with each other than any other father/daughter relationship I had ever seen.

"Hey Nessie, how are you?" he asked. I heard take a gasp of air before she let loose. She had spent a little too much time with her dear Aunty Alice.

"OhmygoshJacobtookmetoLAandwehadsuchagoodtimeIamsoexcitedwelookedatjewelleryandhelookedatrings!" Translation: Oh my gosh, Jacob took me to LA and we had such a good time I am so excited we looked at jewellery and he looked at rings.

"That's great honey!" I enthused, knowing that Edward wouldn't be too happy. I was wrong.

"He's finally making an honest woman out of my little girl? I asked him to do that so many years ago," he said. What? He always acted like Jake and Nessie being together was a pain, I guess he was faking. Hmm, what else was he faking?

"EEEEEEK!" Nessie squealed. I guess she was really excited.

"Hey, do you want to talk to Alice and have an entire wedding planned for you when we get back or do you have somewhere to go?" I asked, not really joking about Alice. She would jump to conclusions before he even proposed.

"I'm going with Leah to a movie and dinner," she said. "We haven't really had some partially-human girl bonding time in a while."

"Have fun Nessie," we said together. Edward continued, "Come back with your head please." We all laughed, joking about Leah's moody habits. When she had found Nahuel the half-vampire as her soul mate, she remained as a shape-shifter to be with him for longer. She had also imposed her moody presence on us forever, but we didn't really mind. All her prejudices were gone now. She had come back from South America a while ago, she and Nahuel often traded living spaces. This was because Seth had remained a wolf after meeting a half vampire, half real werewolf girl named Riley that he was in love with. She was a little volatile though, so they kept a house near ours, but she didn't visit much.

"I will," Nessie replied to both comments, knowing that Edward wasn't only joking. He was way too protective of his girls.

"Bye," we all said together, and then hung up. I walked back with Edward to the Cullen tent, where we changed into our pyjamas. Edward and I both walked back to the tents. He kissed me before I went in.

"Bella, will you promise me that you won't ever do that thing with the boys again?" he asked.

"Sure," I laughed. We kissed each other again, and I went inside to Alice and Rose. We had moved our beds into a row right next to each other so that we could talk more freely. I flopped into the middle one, causing the other two to bounce slightly. We sat talking until the female teachers came in and ordered us to go to bed.

We lay there chatting for hours, and I felt the loss of Edward deeply. At home there was hardly a night that went by without sex and here I was, in a bed when I can't sleep, wishing he was here as well. I saw Alice and Rose's puts as well, and heard Emmett's low snaps of annoyance. When we were convinced that everyone but the vampires were asleep we snuck into our tent and waited for the boys. They didn't take long. We snuck back into our tents at around five, feeling rather satisfied.

**Well, how's that for y'all, hmm? Sam Hooker and Riley whatever her name is aren't mine either. Just my sad little plot. BTW, if you have perverted minds and are annoyed at me for not writing a lemon... well it is rated T. And I am one hundred per cent not about to change that. Review or pm me with your ideas please! Love y'all!**


	6. AN

Hi guys, I'm really sorry that this isn't what you want. I am no longer writing this story. This is mostly because I no longer truly love Twilight, as I've grown up and am moving on.

I can't possibly write anything more of this story. The style of writing and the type of humour is no longer mine. I am a more mature person and author now.

I would be willing to let someone continue writing this story, under the premise that I could edit it and that you had previously posted something, so I could pass my story into the hands of someone I could trust to do it justice.

Sorry,

luvin'stuff


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